Search results for: “feed”
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The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger (2013) 149 minutes PG 13 for scalping, cannibalism, skull crushing, decapitation, and genocide. The MPAA is a joke. A bloody, laughable farce. This film is  proof that a PG-13 rating is completely meaningless. The villain cuts the heart out of a law enforcement officer, and eats it! Hundreds of Comanche get mowed…
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Starring debuts #20: Lorraine Stanley in London to Brighton (2006)
“Nice isn’t it? To see a bit of color.” So says Kelly (Stanley) as she looks at the green fields through a train window on the way from London to the seaside. It’s a banal observation and yet so telling. There is no color in Kelly’s life. No joy, no hope, no normality. Every day…
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Delta-Endorsed Bonkery -or-the Southern Gothic Metric of Madness
Men behaving badly is the foundation of international drama. Since you need conflict, you need a motivation for bad behavior. I first learned to write in the smoky southern bars off the main college drag. I was haunted by cream-suited artistes sitting at the same booth, hunched over the same manuscript and nursing the same…
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My brain…? It’s my second favorite organ.
Woody Allen is a prolific artist who’s been making roughly a film a year since the late sixties. His timid yet talkative onscreen persona (simultaneously intellectual and stupid, riddled with self-doubt and wrapped up in his weedy, balding, bespectacled frame) surely places him among the most distinctive film stars of all time. It’s a double-edged…
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Blast Of Cannon: Part 2
Lifeforce (1985) Horror director Tobe Hooper made three flicks with Cannon in rapid succession, but the relationship only further sullied his artistic reputation. Together they coughed up the derided remake Invaders from Mars, a comedic sequel to his blistering Texas Chainsaw, and the box office bomb Lifeforce. Still, at least this sci-fi flick has reached…
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DOOM Review (2016)
DOOM Review (2016) Pictured: DOOM’s design document, in its entirety. Within the first minute of DOOM (a game which, like MORTAL KOMBAT, refers to itself in ALL CAPS, and who are we to argue?), you have freed yourself from the chains bolting you to a sarcophagus which was recovered from the depths of Hell. Then,…
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Upstream Color
It was a nine-year wait between writer-director-producer-actor-composer Shane Carruth’s first film, Primer (perhaps the most realistic, challenging, and compelling time-travel movie ever made), and his masterpiece, Upstream Color, an even more complex and challenging movie, and certainly a more visually appealing one. It has now been nine years since the latter was released, with no…
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The Shawshank Redemption
I despise Stephen King, his novella of Rita Hayworth, and The Shawshank Redemption. It was an un-readable blot of blueberry mustard smeared on a Maine tourist map from 1973. Why ’73? Well, that’s the last year of Maine’s state pride as it is the last year it WOULD NOT be associated with this human cowlick…
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Imaginative Bursts of Sadism
Do you ever do that thing, perhaps while life hasn’t been treating you too brilliantly, when you start reading up on sicko Nazi and serial killer shit? You don’t mean to (perhaps you’ve got a spare half-hour between charity commitments) but somehow you’re disappearing into the bowels of the internet consuming blood-drenched pages about medieval…
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The Amusingly Bonkers: Part One
There are plenty of people who take enormous pleasure in hooting through terrible movies. The so-bad-it’s-good crowd. Fair enough. I must admit I enjoy The Exorcist’s craptastic sequel, a flick that regularly ends up on lists of the worst ever made. I also heartily respond to the mammalian madness of Orca: The Killer Whale, a…