Search results for: “feed”
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Don’t Worry Darling
“Don’t Worry Darling” – Is dinner ready yet? Don’t Worry Darling is exactly the kind of movie that drove me to writing movie reviews. It’s a movie that is decent to watch the first time, but whose story immediately crumbles to dust upon even the slightest bit of scrutiny. It continues to astound and confound…
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Miami Connection
Tagline: Survival the ultimate test… (This is the only one I could find, and it means fuck all in the context of the movie) Entire Story in Fewer Words Than Are in This Sentence: Karate kids KO cocaine cowboys. Homoeroticism: The boys of Dragon Sound, the Taekwondo team / 80s pop band that serves as…
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Pearl (2022)
“Pearl” – Houston, we have a problem. When I walked out of the theater after watching Pearl, my initial response to “what did you think?” was “I was bored.” What I couldn’t articulate at the time was why I found the film boring. On the drive home, my thoughts kept circling around the fact that…
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Devilish Dwarves
There’s a famous old Peter Cook and Dudley Moore sketch in which a one-legged actor auditions for Tarzan. The casting agent can’t believe what he’s being confronted with (“I’ve got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is, neither have you”) while the disabled actor remains oblivious to his chances of snagging the athletic role.…
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The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger (2013) 149 minutes PG 13 for scalping, cannibalism, skull crushing, decapitation, and genocide. The MPAA is a joke. A bloody, laughable farce. This film is  proof that a PG-13 rating is completely meaningless. The villain cuts the heart out of a law enforcement officer, and eats it! Hundreds of Comanche get mowed…
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Starring debuts #20: Lorraine Stanley in London to Brighton (2006)
“Nice isn’t it? To see a bit of color.” So says Kelly (Stanley) as she looks at the green fields through a train window on the way from London to the seaside. It’s a banal observation and yet so telling. There is no color in Kelly’s life. No joy, no hope, no normality. Every day…
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Delta-Endorsed Bonkery -or-the Southern Gothic Metric of Madness
Men behaving badly is the foundation of international drama. Since you need conflict, you need a motivation for bad behavior. I first learned to write in the smoky southern bars off the main college drag. I was haunted by cream-suited artistes sitting at the same booth, hunched over the same manuscript and nursing the same…
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My brain…? It’s my second favorite organ.
Woody Allen is a prolific artist who’s been making roughly a film a year since the late sixties. His timid yet talkative onscreen persona (simultaneously intellectual and stupid, riddled with self-doubt and wrapped up in his weedy, balding, bespectacled frame) surely places him among the most distinctive film stars of all time. It’s a double-edged…
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Blast Of Cannon: Part 2
Lifeforce (1985) Horror director Tobe Hooper made three flicks with Cannon in rapid succession, but the relationship only further sullied his artistic reputation. Together they coughed up the derided remake Invaders from Mars, a comedic sequel to his blistering Texas Chainsaw, and the box office bomb Lifeforce. Still, at least this sci-fi flick has reached…
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DOOM Review (2016)
DOOM Review (2016) Pictured: DOOM’s design document, in its entirety. Within the first minute of DOOM (a game which, like MORTAL KOMBAT, refers to itself in ALL CAPS, and who are we to argue?), you have freed yourself from the chains bolting you to a sarcophagus which was recovered from the depths of Hell. Then,…