There are 260 entries in Rants
FEATURED RANTS
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Imaginative Bursts of Sadism
Read more: Imaginative Bursts of SadismDo you ever do that thing, perhaps while life hasn’t been treating you too brilliantly, when you start reading up on sicko Nazi and serial killer shit? You don’t mean to (perhaps you’ve got a spare half-hour between charity commitments) but somehow you’re disappearing into the bowels of the internet consuming blood-drenched pages about medieval…
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I Went With What the French Call: les apeshit
Read more: I Went With What the French Call: les apeshitExcuse me, you say, Oh sagacious and inerrant Mr. Cobb–however do they market our movies overseas? One word: Badly. –So it’s just a direct translation, then? Two words: You wish. Or, as they would translate that sentiment in Malaysia: Of Terrible Consequence to Original Things Super-Duper High-Five. “They called this movie ‘Little Jew I Want…
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A Cinephile Has Bizarre Wishes
Read more: A Cinephile Has Bizarre WishesOne-He wants ALL the film merch of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure that they only released in Japan and Burma and include characters that weren’t in the movie like ‘Mecha-Francis’;, Two-He wants the power to mix and match the lesser-known, overlooked film actors he feels haven’t been bathed in divine glory as he believes, in his…
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An Alternative Movie Theory
Read more: An Alternative Movie TheoryThe greatest alternative movie theory of all time is MY OWN. You’ve seen this film I trust. If you haven’t there are major spoilers beyond: DO NOT ENTER. Now then, I want you to take a long look at that poster because the art was not formulated by accident. Cormac McCarthy, who wrote the novel,…
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Old Fuckers
Read more: Old FuckersAt the beginning of Rocky IV, Rocky and Apollo dance around the ring throwing mock insults but essentially admiring each other’s physiques. It’s one of moviedom’s gayest starts, especially with lines like “I’m gonna whip your butt” and “You really look good for an older guy.” To be honest, it’s a bit of a surprise…
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The Wizard Of Ahs -or- Please Stay On That Goldbrick Road, Dorothy
Read more: The Wizard Of Ahs -or- Please Stay On That Goldbrick Road, DorothyFollow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City where the Wizard of Humongous Metaphors will grant the key to this classic. “Oh Toto, Why couldn’t we have been swept up in an allegory for the Spanish-American War or Swine Flu or something?” That’s right. Didn’t know you were watching a 19th century economic sermon…
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The Natives Are Getting Restless
Read more: The Natives Are Getting RestlessMan has long excelled at picking on animals and fucking up the environment, a dismal trait I’m fine with as long as it generates good eco-horror movies. This sub-genre is staggeringly rich and diverse, tackling everything from sentient frogs and mutant sea creatures to walking plants and extraterrestrial viruses that powderize your blood. It has…
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Annoying Fuckers
Read more: Annoying FuckersMost people are annoying. It doesn’t matter whether they’re a droning colleague, that snarky online twat who just won’t see sense, some random queue jumper, a younger sibling, the halitosis-afflicted taxi driver taking the long way round, a right wing foreign president, a neighbor loudly playing music or that hotty in the supermarket who looks…
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Sharknado: A Survivor’s Tale
Read more: Sharknado: A Survivor’s TaleYouse guys seen these fuckin Sharknado movies? [Editor’s Note: Yes, and I reviewed two of them. Pay attention] It’s kinda important that you have… Well, take it from me, a guy who’s survived two sharknadoes…[Editor’s Note: I’ve watched 3, plus Piranha Sharks, so there!] I don’t know if that’s spelled with an “e” or not.…
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Newman, Old Brilliance
Read more: Newman, Old BrilliancePaul Newman’s glorious cinematic career was brought to an end by a machine gun-toting Tom Hanks. “I’m glad it’s you,” he says to his imminent murderer during the rain-soaked finale of Road to Perdition. Of course, this sort of far-fetched rubbish (patiently waiting to be gunned down before paying a compliment to your assassin) can…
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The Ruthless Guide to 80s Action Movies: Volume 1
by Erich Schulte (Author), Matt Cale (Author), Mike McGowan (Author), John Gautreaux (Author), Devon Pack (Author), Sarah Sarah Rhodes (Author), Shelby Sherman (Author), Michael Behrens (Author), Juan Konstantin (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
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Hurt, He’s Gone
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Pliers, Pussies & the Enduring Class of John Vernon
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Starring debuts #7: Richard E. Grant in Withnail and I (1987)
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Absolute Corruption: Citizen Kane, Scarface, Beauty and the Beast
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My Life Of Crime
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Stop this Sketch. It’s Silly
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Fat Fuckers
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Brain Eating, Gang Rape and Other Funny Stuff
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Hey, PE Teacher! Leave Them Kids Alone!
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Carter v. Shand: Battle of the British Gangsters
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The Ten-Year Summer Of Jenny
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Dulce et Decorum Est… Nah, War Can Be Fun!
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Eight Wince-Inducing Moments in Movies*
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Spoiler Alert! Some Thoughts on Twist Endings
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The Top 10 Reasons To Be An Atheist
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The Art of Darkness: Apocalypse Now & Full Metal Jacket
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Diabeetus
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A Made Up Solution To A Made Up Problem
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About That Life On Mars Thing
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Darkon (2006)
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Sikhs: People Living for War
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Why and how is Donald Trump so popular with half the United States?
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Donald Trump: The Arrogance Of Power And Lack of Accountability Edition
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Surprise Dinosaurs Can Make Any Movie Better
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Understanding Trumpers: How Can 70 Million People Be Wrong?
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The Top 10 Reasons To Be An Atheist in 2020
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Rush Limbaugh Is Dying: Good Riddance
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4 Misconceptions People Have About Landlords
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From The Mailbag: The Why Not God for Everything Edition
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America-The Upside Down