There are 263 entries in Rants
FEATURED RANTS
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What Happens at a Timeshare Presentation?: Look Into the Mouth of Hell
Read more: What Happens at a Timeshare Presentation?: Look Into the Mouth of HellWe were engulfed in a lake of slime and filth so vile that it would tarnish every amenity promised to us.
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Why Bad Tippers Deserve Horrible Deaths
In category (ies) : RantsRead more: Why Bad Tippers Deserve Horrible DeathsIf you do not tip, or if you tip substantially less than social norms dictate, you deserve to be drowned in a cauldron of boiling vomit. You are the worst. A dictator who cleansed the earth of bad tippers would be remembered as a hero for a hundred generations. The argument for tipping is pretty…
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Madison Rising: Music Review
Read more: Madison Rising: Music ReviewIt’s Metal…For your Mom. Back in the day, the only day that ever really mattered, the 1980s, heavy metal music was about the only way, absent an errant missile strike by the Soviet Union, for young people to watch their oppressors suffer, be they parent, teacher, Congressman, or cop. While their pursed lips, crooked fingers,…
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2001: A Space Odyssey Review and Redux
Read more: 2001: A Space Odyssey Review and ReduxI bought a motorcycle helmet at a garage sale, and I don’t own a motorcycle. One man’s safety device is another man’s pretend space helmet.
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Casey Nocket: Wanted Dead or Alive (Preferably the former)
Read more: Casey Nocket: Wanted Dead or Alive (Preferably the former)Miranda July, you’re off the hook.
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Dr. Suess’s Ron & Jim Ruined Christmas
In category (ies) : RantsRead more: Dr. Suess’s Ron & Jim Ruined ChristmasSeveral times while watching the Ron Howard-directed How the Grinch Stole Christmas, I found myself wondering, “Who is this even for?” At 105 minutes, it’s a bit on the long side for kids small enough to actually enjoy Jim Carrey’s manic, over-the-top turn as the title character, and the whole thing is far too ugly…
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The Misunderstood: Iceman
In category (ies) : RantsRead more: The Misunderstood: IcemanWe are all gay for Iceman over here.
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Martin Folse : Destroyer of the Community.
Read more: Martin Folse : Destroyer of the Community.Every village has an idiot, but usually that idiot doesn’t own a television station. My village is very special. The local channel that serves my community is owned by one of the most buffoonish men to reside south of I-10. Citizens of my community are regularly given front row seats to witch hunts orchestrated by…
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Elton John Rocks: An Appreciation
Read more: Elton John Rocks: An AppreciationOctober 5th 1973. I was driving my uncle’s Lincoln Mk III to deliver a case of scotch (Chivas Regal, the good stuff) to the rented house of my boss, the producer/director Charles Pierce. He had rented a eyesore at the very top of Laurel Canyon. Charle’s thirst was even greater than my own, although he…
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The Ruthless Guide to 80s Action Movies: Volume 1
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Top 10 Christmas Movie Characters Top 10 Ruthless Reviews Comedies Top 10 Reasons To Be An Atheist Top 10 Movie Drunks Top 10 Favorite Christmas Movies Top 10 Most Outrageous YouTube EatingRANTS LIST
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What Happens at a Timeshare Presentation?: Look Into the Mouth of Hell
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Why Bad Tippers Deserve Horrible Deaths
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Madison Rising: Music Review
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2001: A Space Odyssey Review and Redux
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Casey Nocket: Wanted Dead or Alive (Preferably the former)
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Dr. Suess’s Ron & Jim Ruined Christmas
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The Misunderstood: Iceman
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Breaking Bad
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Martin Folse : Destroyer of the Community.
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Elton John Rocks: An Appreciation
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The Poseidon Adventure (Seven Things I Love About…)
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Chinese Moms: A Rant
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Murder, Torture & Religion
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Top 10 Eighties Bullies
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Jorts!
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Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom
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Eddie Ray Routh: American Sniper Sniper
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Tennessee v. Alabama Football: Battle of the Bubba Gumps Edition
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The Rapture: 2023 Edition
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Chester Visits the Iowa State Fair
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How to Create a Film Fan in Five Easy Flicks
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The Insult of Cocaine Bear is Greater Than its Mere Crapitude
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The Last Hurrah #4: Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein (1974)
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5 Tips for Starting an Acting Career Later in Life
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Spread Your Legs For Daddy: Part 4
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Spread Your Legs For Daddy: Part 3
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Charles Bronson, R.I.P.
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The Littlest Groom
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My Addiction Conniption
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An Angry Rant About Something