O.K., I know that this is not your typical 80’s Action type movie. However, it was made in 1987, had non-stop violence and was loaded with delicious snarks and one-liners. Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman) owned every scene he was in. He was great, as was Bernard Hughes as Grandpa.
This movie also had tremendous appeal to the younger crowd because of the rock music and excellent soundtrack. Also, it is a vampire movie, so just embrace and enjoy.
Tagline:
Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It’s fun to be a vampire.
Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence:
If you move to Santa Carla, deal with vampires
Homoeroticism:
Not any to speak of. This was mostly a kiddie and teen movie, so N/A. However, we do have this:
Corpse Count:
Considering all the carnage, fire and explosions, not too many. The only significant deaths were all the “bad” vampires. However, the quality of the deaths was predictably spectacular. There were also the implied deaths of the Merry-Go-Round rent-a-cop, and a couple parked in a filthy Plymouth Valiant out on lover’s lane.
Novelty Deaths:
It had to be the “Death By Stereo”, when the vampire was both impaled and electrocuted. But wait! Without invoking a Spoiler Alert it is hard to overlook the death of the Vampire In Chief by Grandpa. It was inspired.
How Bad Was It Really?:
Not bad at all. There was plenty of eye-candy action and crisp, hilarious dialogue. The cinematography and sets were something to behold, especially the Vampire Bat Cave. However, this vampire movie was definitely all about the kiddies and teens.
Was There a Stupid Chief?:
No. There was no law enforcement presence at all except for the fair rent-a-cop.
Post and Pre-Mortem One Liners:
“Try Holy Water, Death Breath!”-Edgar Frog [Pre-mortem]
“One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach; all the damn vampires” -Grandpa [Post-mortem, after staking and lighting up Max]
Stupid Political Content:
Not much at all other than hippie and punk rock drugged-out losers, all over the place. California in the 80’s.
Was There an Atomic Blast at the End?:
No, but Grandpa’s weird house was totally wrecked.
Quotes and One-liners (more than you can imagine):
- It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. Just like one big, happy family. Your boys… and my boys -Max
- Great! The Blood-sucking Brady Bunch! -Edgar Frog
- One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach; all the damn vampires. -Grandpa
- What, you don’t like rice? Tell me Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong? -David
- You’re a vampire, Michael! My own brother, a damn, blood-sucking vampire. You wait ’till mom finds out, buddy! -Sam Emerson
- You’d better get yourself a garlic T-shirt, buddy, or it’s your funeral. -Edgar Frog
- Talk about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre… -Michael (looking into Grandpa’s room)
- Lucy, you’re the only woman I ever knew that didn’t improve her situation by getting divorced. -Grandpa
- Ha, Ha! Garlic don’t work, boys -Paul (vampire)
- Then try Holy Water, DEATH BREATH! -Edgar Frog (squirt-gunning Paul with Holy Water)
- Kill your brother, you’ll feel better -Alan Frog (to Sam)
- There’s no TV! Have you seen a TV, Mike? I haven’t seen a TV. Do you know what it means when there’s no TV? – No MTV! -Sam Emerson
Special Ruthless Ratings -or- What I Learned From The Lost Boys
- Overall Rating-7.5/10.0
- DVD Features and Extras- None, except for scene selections. There was supposed to be an interview with Joel Schumacher, but it was inaccessible.
- The film sets were spectacular, especially Grandpa’s house and the Vampire Cave, complete with an awesome poster of Jim Morrison.
- If the Frog Brothers, who operate a comic book store, warn you about vampire activity, believe them.
- No one is to touch Grandpa’s second shelf in the refrigerator. It is for his root beer and his double-thick Oreo cookies.
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