Directed by: Lewis Gilbert
Screenplay by Vernon Harris
Based on The Admirable Crichton,1902 play by J. M. Barrie (Peter Pan)
With: Kenneth More (he played Charles Lightoller the heroic second officer of the Titanic in A Night To Remember)as Bill Crichton, the Butler /”The Guv”, defender of the class system and realist.
The lovely Diane Cilento as Eliza, a blonde, also known as “Tweeny“, an “in-between maid” that Butler Crichton cast a “favorable eye on.”
Cecil Parker as Henry, Earl of Loam, a titled societal leech. The beautiful Sally Ann Howes as Lady Mary, Lord Loam’s eldest daughter. Another blonde.Martita Hunt as The Dowager Countess of Brocklehurst (I recall her as the flamboyant as Baroness Elena von Livenbaum in Anastasia)
Jack Watling as Rev. John Treherne (suitor to Lady Catherine), local Church of England franchise holder.Peter Graves as George, Earl of Brocklehurst, an upperclass twit.
Gerald Harper as The Hon. Ernest Woolley (suitor to Lady Agatha), another twit.Mercy Haystead as Lady Catherine, a daughter of Lord Loam.Miranda Connell as Lady Agatha, another daughter of Lord Loam.
Any viewer loyal or otherwise of Upstairs, Downstairs or Downton Abbey is clued in as to the social setup (if not, or otherwise not aware of the British Class system, you’d best stop reading now. You’ll be confused for weeks, if not months. Some might never recover. Well, think of it this way: it’s the leftovers of the feudal system of the type just loved in science fiction like Dune, except without interstellar travel and without swords, at least in 1905 when this story is set)
Crichton tells : Lady Mary, “I am the son of a butler and a lady’s maid. The happiest of all combinations. To me the most beautiful thing in the world is a haughty English aristocratic home with everyone kept in his place.”
Lady Mary’s father Lord Loam is a progressive, seeing all men as equal, at least when it suits him. When he wants a whiskey and soda it’s back to Mr High & Mighty. When is daughter Cathrine is arrested for assaulting a peeler, it’s,“ Great Scot! Good heavens, I don’t believe it! My daughter arrested as a suffragette! That’s what comes of all this darned equality!”
Loam’s solution to the mess is to take the entire household, including the twit boyfriends on a cruise to the South Seas on his steam yacht. As luck would have it they sail into a storm and must abandon ship! The aristocrats are forced to share a lifeboat with Crichton and the housemaid Tweeny. They are not happy about it. Screw ’em.
The bunch of them is cast upon the shore of a desolate island where them must survive on their own. In England the swells are barely able to wipe their own asses so here on this island they are doomed.
It is at this point Herbert Spencer’s Survival of the Fittest comes into play. Earl of Loam dismisses Crichton from his service, and Tweeny departs with him. Loam did not realize the class system was carried away in the storm. The aristocrats are left to stew in their own juices, which is the only juice they will get.
Crichton and Tweeny being useful people, thrive in the primitive environment. The former butler is the Fittest. The Earl of Loam and company are compelled to join Crichton’s camp and abide by his rules.
Two years amble by . . .
The now island British colony thrives under the leadership of Crichton, now known as the Guv. Loam and the twits have become men, and the girls aspire to be Mrs Gov. The former Lady Mary has transformed into Artemis and wins the hunt.
The Gov and Mary are about to marry when a rescue ship is sighted. You’ll have to watch the movie to discover what happens, but rest assured, after a tenue as the Gov on a South Seas island, Crichton will reclaim the title on the British Isle.
In ten years or so the Upper Class Twit herd will be culled at the Front.
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