Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Written by: Sylvester Stallone
With: Sylvester Stallone as Spartacus “The Gladiator”
Bandeni, ex-prizefighter and West Side Political Boss,
Timothée Chalamet as Todd Bandeni, the eldest son (think Fredo Corleone in The Godfather), Gwyneth Paltrow as Viv, a high class call girl and girlfriend to Spartacus, Kirk Douglas as Cadaverous Mahoney, police chief and curbside jurist, Michael Douglas as Spuds, his wastrel son, Amber Herd as Honey-Bunch, the chief’s main squeeze and bookkeeper of the bribery pad, George Clooney as Hildy “Scoop” MacDonald, a crusading reporter and closeted self-styled superhero, ScooperMan, Will Ferrel as Bob “O’ Lecktable” Suntt, vape master and mayor, Brad Pitt, as a yachtsman who affects a Southern accent, Martin Short as “Squeak”, a cardsharp and sleight of hand artist.
There is a scene near the opening of I, Spartacus, the new Spielberg/Stallone movie, that gives us the audience a view of Bandeni family life. Spartacus is the head of a political party composed of punch-drunk and brain-damaged current and ex prizefighters who proudly bear the Spartacus label, the Gotham Pugilists. Todd, the eldest son aspires to become a member of the “Goth Pugs” but can’t take a punch, let alone throw one, and appears to be afflicted with a form of “chronic alcohol consumption compulsion” (as it is called in the movie) which distorts his judgement, and his relationship with his father.
The scene that starts this tragic tale begins when Spartacus sends his wastrel son Todd to collect that week’s protection money from the teacher’s union in a effort to engender a sense of adult responsibility in the 37-year-old. He loses the whole wad in mayor
Bob “O’ Lecktable” Suntt’s crooked poker game.
(Criminy!)
The chastened Todd soon joins forces with Spuds Mahoney, who was also a victim of the scam card game. They join forces with the mysterious cardsharp Squeak in a plan to re-coop the lost funds and their tenuous self-respect. As this is a Spielberg film, redeemed family unity is achieved through the card game that encompasses the bulk of the narrative.
Meanwhile for comic relief, back at Spartacus’ headquarters the Jack Dempsey Gym, the aging palooka has presented girlfriend, the super-fox Viv with a 24-carat diamond engagement ring. She laughs in his face…
“What,that little thing!”
Spartacus sputters a reply, “Wazamattafau, Adrian?”
“Who the fuck is Adrian, you two timing bastard!?”
A clear sign of signal drift.
A rematch card game is arranged. Spartacus and Chief Cadaverous Mahoney each insist for a seat at the table. The Fourth Estate is represented by ScooperMan in the guise of ace reporter Hildy MacDonald.
Family unity depends on the outcome of a hand of “Five card Stud.”
Spielberg directs without his usual lack of artistic pretense. Conrad Hall’s stark cinematography suggests an uneasy realism in Stallone’s lean scenario. Stallone as a actor has never been afraid of displaying his Herculean muscles without defined intonation and there is nothing out of balance here.
At the end family triumphs, and the Pugilists lose. The battlers always lose.
☆☆☆
Wolcott Fibbs
Leave a Reply