Cult classics are movies that gain a following of devoted fans well after the movie is released. There are a lot of different types of cult classics, ranging from well-produced movies like Blade Runner to outright garbage like Plan 9 from Outer Space. The one I always think of is Rocky Horror Picture Show. A former girlfriend loved it and asked me to watch it, and we’re not together anymore. We didn’t break up because Picture Show is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, but it sure didn’t help her case. If she loved a movie like Heart Eyes, well, it still wouldn’t have worked out between us.
Heart Eyes is one of the dumbest movies I’ve seen in a long time. But it’s intentionally dumb, and I can respect that. It’s the kind of movie I would watch again, but only after at least three drinks. It’s easy to see Heart Eyes joining the ranks of cult classics because there’s something mildly charming about it. But it’s also easy to see it ending up in the trash can of everyone’s memory because it also contains hints of taking itself too seriously. It’s trying to capture the self-awareness of Scream while simultaneously trying to bear hug Scary Movie.
Ally (Olivia Holt) is a marketing producer for a jewelry company. She has created an ad campaign centered around killing your significant other. There is no context where this makes any kind of sense, even as goofy joke. The rest of the marketing team, as well as the CEO, calls her out on it, especially because it’s Valentine’s Day and the Heart Eyes killer has started his annual killing spree. See what I mean about the movie trying to have it both ways? This is the convoluted pretext for putting Ally together with Jay (Mason Gooding), a consultant in town for a single night to help save the campaign.
Jay is charming, handsome, and witty and is one of the primary elements to like about this film. Ally is stalking her ex, lives like a slob, and speaks to people like she’s a character on Dawson’s Creek. But she’s doing those things in a weirdly likeable way – plus they had a meet-cute prior to Ally learning who he was – so we kind of don’t want to her to be murdered. After insulting Jay at dinner, she kisses him to apologize and guess who sees this through his heart eyes mask?
The Heart Eyes killer chases for them for the rest of the night and that is the rest of the film.
While Ally and Jay are chased throughout Seattle, the film is littered with near death misses for the couple, incompetent cops, dozens of murders, and a plethora of jokes both good and bad. When put together, do all those things make a cult classic?
On one hand, the film knows what is. The mode of operation (MO) for the killer is murdering couples on Valentine’s Day and there is no shortage of dead lovers. The film starts like Scream by introducing the killer slaughtering a couple at a vineyard. Then, as the pursuit of Ally and Jay continues, they yell multiple times that they are not a couple. It’s hilarious to see them try to evade death by yelling the killer’s own MO at the killer.
I also liked that the film doesn’t shy away from the gore. Blood splatters and bones crunch as various people meet their demise. And the film doesn’t care about location or the killer being seen. Secluded alleys and vineyards are mixed with the killer running rampant through a police station and crowded drive-in movie theater. Everyone is fair game and everyone knows it. This allows the film to cash in some on some comedy as well. Perhaps the best example of the film knowing itself is a scene at the drive-in where Ally and Jay hide in the front of a van. They are having a heartfelt conversation, but we can hear in the background the owners of the van having sex. It’s dumb because Ally and Jay are trying not to draw attention for the killer, yet funny because the couple having sex are keeping it relatively quiet. And neither pair of people are interrupting each other.
On the other hand, the film doesn’t lean all the way into pure silliness, so the audience is forced to take it kind of seriously. The ad campaign is never brought back to tie into anything happening or even for a fun joke later in the film. Ally’s boss (Michaela Watkins) is a caricature of a CEO, complete with a nonsensical southern accent, but also vanishes from the film after seeing Ally’s ad campaign. The cops (Devon Sawa and Jordana Brewster) are playing it straight as well, even after an attempt at humor revealing the cops’ names are Hobbs and Shaw. Ally and Jay spell out the reference to the Fast and Furious franchise, but the cops respond with “never seen it.” It’s a very tired joke, but could have been saved by leaning into the reference harder.
So, what are the chances Heart Eyes becomes a cult classic? It’s definitely goofy enough to hit a lot of people in the right way. But it also features some of the worst acting I’ve seen, even for most cult classics. Then again, Gooding is absolutely delightfully. But then again, again, the killer doesn’t seem particularly concerned with keeping to his own MO. Either way, it’s decently entertaining, all things considered. But definitely have a drink first. Or three.
Rating: Ask for half of your money back because you can straddle the line just like the movie.
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