Now that we are into the beginning of the blockbuster season, we have a lot to choose from. Super Mario, John Wick, Adonis Creed, Ghostface, and a Dungeons and Dragons party are all vying for our attention. Would you believe me if I told you your best option is none of those, but instead Air…

The last serious attempt at a Dungeons & Dragons movie was in 2000, resulting in a critical and commercial bomb (10% on Rotten Tomatoes, grossing just $33.8 million on a $45 million budget) and a legion of angry dungeon masters. Impossibly, two direct-to-DVD sequels were filmed and released in 2005 and 2012, presumably as a…

Time travel really messes with your mind, doesn’t it? I mean, The Grandfather-paradox, Back to the Future, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure: it just fucks with your idea of time. Like: what is it? Is it a steady stream, from the roiling past through this very present moment right here and now into the bright…

It is a rare and special thing to have an entire movie theater to oneself. My most memorable one was actually with a friend, when we saw a restoration of 2001: A Space Odyssey in an otherwise empty auditorium. I still cannot fathom why only two tickets were sold to such an amazing movie at…

“John Wick: Chapter 4” – One thousand assassins dead, a zillion more to go. “Once you kill him, then what?” a friend asks John Wick (Keanu Reeves). Great question. In the never-ending kill-box that is the John Wick universe, that question is the only time the franchise seems to realize that it has yet to…

Last Tango in Paris (1972) The story: In a cause celebre the Godfather tries a little anonymous humping. Bloody hell, now he’s the Prodfarther. Does it make me wanna incorporate anything into my sex life? “You don’t have a name and I don’t have a name, either,” Brando tells Maria Schnieder early on. “No names…

Back in my mid-twenties I was in bed with one of those lovely females making sweet love and thinking that life really wasn’t too bad when she clamped her teeth on my ear and half-snarled: “Stick it up me arse!” Now I know some men appear obsessed with snugly traversing a lady’s poo pipe, but…