The Rapture: 2023 Edition

I wrote this originally over 10 years ago. Nothing has changed as the twice-born, religiously impaired are still hard at work, making more looney predictions about the upcoming rapture. The latest prediction was for 12:01 A.M. (no time zone or DST mentioned), for the heavenly hordes to sweep down, vacuum up the believers with magic, and end the world as we know it. Guess what? It didn’t happen. [EDITOR’S NOTE: Well, here we are one year later and they are at it again]

Now that the latest and greatest of over TWO-HUNDRED rapture predictions has been laid to rest, it is time to reflect on this recurrent bit of evangelical looniness. To all but the most rabid cultists, Harold Camping (2011 prediction) is an eccentric Bible-Thumper who at least had the guts to expose his bizarre and whacky beliefs to testable scrutiny. Of course, he has failed miserably, much to the glee of people like me, who are more than just annoyed with this craziness.

Of course, The Real True Christians™ are not surprised and smugly point out that the Bible states that “No one knows the time or the place” that this claimed Rapture will take place. Oh, those Whacky Christians! The Twice Born simply LOVE to make predictions that cannot be verified and that can because of necessity be pushed further and further into the future. Ignored is the actual scripture that states “Truly I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all things take place.”[Referring to his second coming in Luke 21:32] and the unsettling fact that Jesus is over 2,000 years overdue. Ignored is the practical absurdity of trumpets sounding and white-robed apparitions descending from the heavens to rapture the elect. Ignored are all of the drug-crazed rantings of John in The Revelations, “THE RAPTURE IS GOING TO HAPPEN, I BELIEVE IT!”

To all free-thinkers, Skeptics and scoffers, it’s time to call out this madness for what it is. The Religious Crowd that claims that a rapture will occur AT ANY TIME, are just as delusional and crazy as that 90-year-old cadaver, Harold Camping, or present-day predictors like the guy below. Of course, we have the convenient mantra that I mentioned above, allowing the believers to ALWAYS make a clean escape to the grave before they can be held accountable for their hallucinations.