Haunted Mansion

“Haunted Mansion” – Disney Scary.

The Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland was my favorite ride when I was a kid. I loved it so much that I would listen to my 78-rpm story-book record over and over until I fell asleep at night. And don’t think that I’ve grown out of it. I own Haunted Mansion shirts, a lanyard, a throw pillow, refrigerator magnets, and multiple pairs of socks. The best part is my family loves it as much as I do. My wife has a framed schematic of the patented ride vehicle and replica canvas paintings of the four paintings in the stretching room. Yeah. We’re weird and we own it.

So does my son. He always wants to ride the Haunted Mansion ride when we visit Disneyland and Disney World and after watching the new Haunted Mansion movie, he really wanted me to interview him about it. We both enjoyed the movie and agree that it works because they leaned into the ride as hard as they could. Here is what he had to say…

On a scale of one to ten, ten being highest, how excited were you to see Haunted Mansion?

Probably a sssssseven…?

Where does the Haunted Mansion ride rank for you of all the rides at Magic Kingdom?

Probably six?

So your excitement for the movie matches the ride?

I guess.

Why weren’t you more excited for Haunted Mansion?

I don’t know, I just wasn’t.

Did you see the previous The Haunted Mansion movie?

Yes.

On a scale of one to ten, how good was that previous movie?

Probably a negative two.

So what about the new movie makes it better?

It’s just more like the ride. It’s creepier. The mood is more Haunted Mansion-y.

Is your favorite part of the ride in this movie?

Kiiiind of.

Tell us about that.

My favorite part is where you go backwards and down in the graveyard, with the flying ghosts everywhere…oh wait! Yeah, it did happen in the movie!

Did they do a good job with that part?

More on the good side.

How? What made it good? Tell me about the scene.

Well, there’s ghosts flying around everywhere in the graveyard.

How did they get the ride part in there?

Because you’re in a graveyard with ghosts flying around everywhere.

What other parts of the ride did they do a good job with in the movie?

The guy with the dog.

The groundskeeper?

Yeah! It looked like him

Was he a main character in the movie?

No, he was a very background character.

What other characters from the ride are in the movie?

The main villain – I forgot his name.

The hat box ghost (Jared Leto)?

Yeah. Also the bride with the axe (Lindsay Lamb).

Anyone else?

The floating candlestick.

Was that a main character in the movie?

*laughs* No!

Who were the protagonists in the movie?

There was…Ben (LaKeith Stanfield).  There was a kid (Chase Dillon)…what was the kid’s name? And a mom (Rosario Dawson).

Who else?

Danny DeVito. Owen Wilson – the fraud exorcist. And the fortune teller person (Tiffany Haddish).

Of the protagonists, who was your favorite?

The kid, obviously.

What was the kid’s story?

Well his dad died? Oh yeah, his dad died and they wanted to move, and they moved to that house and they didn’t know it was haunted but then since a ghost follows you home, they had to come back. Because everywhere they went, they were being haunted.

That’s a cool thing they were doing with the horror movie cliche – why they don’t leave the house.

Oh! Another part they did good with the ride – was the clock with the 13 hours. The hallway of haunts banging on the doors. The scene with the candlestick. The knight statue…

The suit of armor?

Yeah.

Did they have pretty much everything from the ride in the movie?

No.

What was missing?

The guy in the coffin. *makes whiney noises and pushing palm of hand up toward the ceiling*

What would have been a funny way to incorporate the person trapped in the coffin?

If it was one of the protagonists trying to get out of it.

What is the villain trying to do in the movie?

Trying to get a thousand happy haunts to have a lot of power or whatever.

Was the villain scary, or lame, or…

He was “Disney scary” [chuckles] oh and I like that they incorporated the heads that follow you around. The ones that look at you while you walk around.

Are people who like the ride going to like the movie?

Yeah, I would assume so.

Would you tell people if you like the ride, you’ll like the movie?

Yeah, I would say that.

Besides the kid, who was your next favorite character?

Obviously, danny devito

Why Danny DeVito?

Because Danny DeVito. That’s why.

Will kids be scared by the movie?

Maybe five-year-old kids. Very small children probably. But kids my age, no.

Now that the movie has come out, do you think there is anything from the movie that you think they’ll put in the ride? The same way they put Jack sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride? Or is there something from the movie that you’d like to see put in the ride?

Ummm…Danny Devito.

Rating: Which one is worth more of your money – the ride or the movie?

That’s a good question. I think I would pay slightly more for the ride because you’re THERE, and it’s not on a screen.

Special Disney Rating: If there were a line for the movie, how many minutes would you wait before you said nah?

Ffffffff…fifty.