Category: Rants
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Demons in the air -or- Why movies suck and wokism is everywhere
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Read more: Demons in the air -or- Why movies suck and wokism is everywhereDemons in the Air: Why Movies Suck, Wokism is Everywhere, Your Company is Sponsoring a Gay Pride Parade Even Though It Makes Swizzle Sticks and (finally!) Who’s Responsible? [Imagine flying through clouds in clear black and white while a comforting southern voice narrates] There is a demon that lives in the air. This demon calls…
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Where’s My Froggy?: A Top 10 (ribbit) List
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Read more: Where’s My Froggy?: A Top 10 (ribbit) ListYou probably find it hard to believe but I write all my Ruthless articles surrounded by aromatic candles immersed in a freestanding claw foot bath. Well, I say write but what I actually mean is dictate. Indeed, all of my honey-coated missives are transcribed by a slightly drunken Catholic schoolgirl called Samantha. Her proofreading skills…
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Schultz’s Guide to Enjoying San Francisco
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Read more: Schultz’s Guide to Enjoying San FranciscoEnjoying San Fran is pretty simple. Just get out of the city.
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How To Deal With Conservative/Paranoid Facebook Friends
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Read more: How To Deal With Conservative/Paranoid Facebook FriendsFacebook is pretty much the Gettysburg of the internet culture war. It’s the epicenter of binary bloodshed. Houses are divided, attacks are vicious, and no matter what happens, you will see body parts you wish you hadn’t. We can’t help it. Even the wussiest amongst us are embolden by the internet. I think Sir Friendzone…
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Another Poop Story: The Desert Hamburger
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Read more: Another Poop Story: The Desert HamburgerOne does not simply enjoy gut bombs.
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Confessions Of A Condiment King -or- Why Goat Revoked Ezra’s Key To The Break Room At Ruthless Towers
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Read more: Confessions Of A Condiment King -or- Why Goat Revoked Ezra’s Key To The Break Room At Ruthless TowersGreetings, citizens of Gotham! It is I, Buddy Standler, the Condiment King! You mayo may not have heard my fearsome moniker before…. Oh, come now, you mustard of me at least once or twice. Well, please endeavor to ketchup and follow along, for mine is a tale to relish! I may not be one of…
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What Happens at a Timeshare Presentation?: Look Into the Mouth of Hell
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Read more: What Happens at a Timeshare Presentation?: Look Into the Mouth of HellWe were engulfed in a lake of slime and filth so vile that it would tarnish every amenity promised to us.
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Why Bad Tippers Deserve Horrible Deaths
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Read more: Why Bad Tippers Deserve Horrible DeathsIf you do not tip, or if you tip substantially less than social norms dictate, you deserve to be drowned in a cauldron of boiling vomit. You are the worst. A dictator who cleansed the earth of bad tippers would be remembered as a hero for a hundred generations. The argument for tipping is pretty…
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Madison Rising: Music Review
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Read more: Madison Rising: Music ReviewIt’s Metal…For your Mom. Back in the day, the only day that ever really mattered, the 1980s, heavy metal music was about the only way, absent an errant missile strike by the Soviet Union, for young people to watch their oppressors suffer, be they parent, teacher, Congressman, or cop. While their pursed lips, crooked fingers,…
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2001: A Space Odyssey Review and Redux
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Read more: 2001: A Space Odyssey Review and ReduxI bought a motorcycle helmet at a garage sale, and I don’t own a motorcycle. One man’s safety device is another man’s pretend space helmet.