Category: Horror Movies
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Men in Black: International
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Read more: Men in Black: InternationalM is for mole. For my wife, time travel in a movie kills that movie for her. I get it – time travel solves any problem, undoes any death or event, and, of course, comes with that pesky paradox (if you change the past, you erase the reason for going back to the past to…
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Cube (1997)
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Read more: Cube (1997)Cube is a movie that you can characterize as unique with complete confidence. I watched it on a whim, after numbing my brain with the non-stop and very one-sided killing in John Wick 3. I needed a movie to un-lock my brain from all that violence, so I chose Cube. Bad choice, as I traded…
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The Curse of La Llorona
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Read more: The Curse of La LloronaDo you know where your children are? As parents, we tell our kids all kinds of lies to get them to behave. Right now, you are thinking of Santa Claus. Jolly old St. Nick is mostly a harmless lie, unless you subscribe to evil versions of Santa like Krampus or Tim Allen. Be good and…
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Pet Sematary (2019)
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Read more: Pet Sematary (2019)Pet Sematary is one of Stephen King’s most popular horror novels that has been adapted for the movie screen 3 times now. The original 1989 Pet Sematary was most famous for that insane grey cat, the cute little kid getting smashed to smithereens by a semi, and for Fred Gwynne as Jud. It was a…
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Us
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Read more : UsMy lips are mostly sealed. I often struggle in these reviews with how much to reveal when discussing a movie. Okay, I sometimes struggle. On one hand, nobody likes spoilers. Even for movies that are obvious and preordained crap, people want to be surprised and decide for themselves. Incidentally, these are the same people who have to touch the…
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Glass
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Read more: GlassInsert broken pun here. One of the biggest mysteries in Hollywood is how M. Night Shyamalan still has an active directing and writing career. My friend and I pondered this question on our way to a screening of Shyamalan’s latest film, Glass. After The Village disappointed countless fans, Shyamalan rapid-fired four of the worst movies…
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Killer Christmas (2017)
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Read more: Killer Christmas (2017)Why, why, why do I do this? You know, I used to really like my job. I review Christmas Movies, so what could possibly go wrong? I know and expect to get my share of the stinkers, but this year has been unusually hard. This movie gets an immediate and uncontested 10.0/10.0 for sheer annoyance…
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Mercy Christmas (2017)
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Read more: Mercy Christmas (2017)I wasn’t expecting much when I fired up this Christmas Slasher cheese-fest. I had recently watched Scrooge In The Hood, and Mercy Christmas has an even lower User Rating from IMDB. Yes, the bar is low for Christmas horror movies. What I actually saw was a well-acted, hilarious, but bloody camp masterpiece. This Christmas film…
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Suspiria (2018)
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Read more: Suspiria (2018)Suspiria (2018) Fair Value of the new Suspiria: $0.00 . There are so many better films that this remake derives from. The original Suspiria, The Ninth Gate, Lords of Salem– for films about witchcraft, you have a lot of more striking options. Catholic Horror versus Protestant Horror: Watching this remake of a genre-defining Giallo film…
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The Nun
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Read more: The NunHoly shit. (Their words, but who am I to argue?). My first-grade teacher was Sister Julianna. No last name – she was married to God and God does not have a last name. Like Prince. Which is kind of ironic when you think about how weird some religious dudes get about their new wives taking…