Category: Features
-
Monkey Shines (1988)
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: Monkey Shines (1988)George A. Romero’s Monkey Shines is the story of Allan Mann (Jason Beghe), an athlete who is struck down by a semi-truck at the start of the movie, rendering him quadriplegic. He is forced to use one of those wheelchairs operated by blowing into a straw in order to get around, and after he hits…
-
Deep Blue Sea (1999)
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: Deep Blue Sea (1999)Deep Blue Sea, like the slasher movies it emulates by way of movies like Alien and Predator, is less a compelling narrative than it is a sort of delivery system for gruesome death scenes. And that’s fine. When a movie realizes its ambition, however high or low that ambition may be, it succeeds. It is…
-
Brain Eating, Gang Rape and Other Funny Stuff
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: Brain Eating, Gang Rape and Other Funny Stuff“I’d walk a mile for a chuckle.” Great line, huh? It comes from 1957’s excellent Sweet Smell of Success. It’s a simple statement that perfectly captures a sense of ennui. In seven short words you get a feel for how the character’s been numbed by the daily grind, how he’s surrounded by unremarkable people and…
-
Hey, PE Teacher! Leave Them Kids Alone!
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: Hey, PE Teacher! Leave Them Kids Alone!I’ve never quite gotten over my first PE lesson aged eleven at a big school. After surviving a bruising game of rugger in which I was sometimes mistaken for the ball, I tried my best to change back into my uniform and sneak home as the prospect of a group shower at that somewhat self-conscious…
-
Quills (2000)
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: Quills (2000)“Why should I love God? He strung up his only son like a side of veal. I shudder to think what he’d do to me.” –The Marquis de Sade I guess that it is pretty obvious by now that I rarely review bad movies (EDITOR’S NOTE: That’s a lie) or even movies that I don’t…
-
Venom: Let There Be Carnage
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: Venom: Let There Be CarnageIn order to understand how low my expectations were for Venom: Let There Be Carnage, think about some of the movies that have come out this year that should have been entertaining, but absolutely crapped the bed. Without Remorse, Mortal Combat, F9, and Snake Eyes were terrible and that is coming right on the heels…
-
Carter v. Shand: Battle of the British Gangsters
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: Carter v. Shand: Battle of the British GangstersThere are many people who like to grapple with the Big Questions, such as whether we’re alone in the universe, what happens after death and what celeb has the best tits. Luckily I’m in a position to answer the last one in that God has the best tits because (a he’s Perfection so it stands…
-
No Time to Die
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: No Time to Die“No Time to Die” – The end of an era It has been six long, long years since the last James Bond film (Spectre) graced us with its presence. In fact, those years were so long that I forgot that I created a review format for James Bond films. This is a pleasant surprise for…
-
The Addams Family 2
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: The Addams Family 2“The Addams Family 2” – Uhhhhhh….naaaaaaah. When I was a kid, I loved watching reruns of the old Addams Family TV show. They made me laugh and I liked the spooky factor. As an adult, I cannot watch reruns of that show. They are terrible. And not terrible in the way of watching them through…
-
The Ten-Year Summer Of Jenny
Tag(s):
Author:
Read more: The Ten-Year Summer Of JennySo who’s your dream movie girl? The one who gets your heart pumping? The one so far removed from your mundane existence that if you’re honest you know you’re not worthy to share the same planet. In fact, you’re not even sure such a divine vixen is from Earth. Perhaps God lowered her from the…