Category: 80s Action
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The Not Quite #3: Mad Max (1979)
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Read more: The Not Quite #3: Mad Max (1979)The modern movie obsession with car chases probably began with 1968’s fairly good Bullitt, a trend cemented by the Oscar-winning French Connection three years later. Suddenly road warriors with exasperated cops in hot pursuit were all over the silver screen, as exemplified by a big hit like Dirty Mary Crazy Larry, a mediocre crime pic…
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Miami Connection
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Read more: Miami ConnectionTagline: Survival the ultimate test… (This is the only one I could find, and it means fuck all in the context of the movie) Entire Story in Fewer Words Than Are in This Sentence: Karate kids KO cocaine cowboys. Homoeroticism: The boys of Dragon Sound, the Taekwondo team / 80s pop band that serves as…
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Cop and a Half
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Read more: Cop and a HalfBurt Reynolds is a murdering sociopath pederast with a case of jungle fever, but his real flaw is that he’s a cop.
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Blast Of Cannon: Part 2
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Read more: Blast Of Cannon: Part 2Lifeforce (1985) Horror director Tobe Hooper made three flicks with Cannon in rapid succession, but the relationship only further sullied his artistic reputation. Together they coughed up the derided remake Invaders from Mars, a comedic sequel to his blistering Texas Chainsaw, and the box office bomb Lifeforce. Still, at least this sci-fi flick has reached…
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Blast of Cannon: Part 1
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Read more: Blast of Cannon: Part 1You’ve probably heard of MGM and United Artists, but what about the very lovely Cannon Films? It was a studio that took on the Hollywood big boys in the 1980s. For a glorious, plate-spinning few years it became the world’s largest independent movie production company, cranking out up to six low-budget pictures a month. How…
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Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (1985)
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Read more: Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (1985)Tagline: Two men enter, one man leaves, unless there are special needs. Entire Story in Fewer Words Than Are in This Sentence: Max is banished for refusing to kill a grinning retard. Homoeroticism: Like in The Road Warrior, many men are dressed like they are going to a gay bondage convention, but the homoeroticism is…
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Eye of the Tiger
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Read more: Eye of the TigerThe bigger the teeth, the mightier the cock.
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The Dead Pool (1988)
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Read more: The Dead Pool (1988)Tagline: Dirty Harry Just Learned A New Game Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Movies don’t kill people, Dirty Harry does. Homoeroticism: Early on, we see a young Jim Carrey (as rock star Johnny Squares) prancing around in a leather outfit to the tune of “Welcome to the Jungle,” but that’s…
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Sudden Impact (1983)
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Read more: Sudden Impact (1983)Tagline: Two killers are at large. One of them is Dirty Harry. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Revenge is best served with a comically farting dog. Homoeroticism: All in all, this is probably the most disappointingly hetero movie in the whole series, as Harry gets closer to a woman than…
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Magnum Force (1973)
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Read more: Magnum Force (1973)Tagline: This time the bullets are hitting pretty close to home! Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Harry could just kill his Stupid Chief this time. Homoeroticism: Once again limited almost exclusively to the fetishization of guns, beginning with the opening credits sequence, which consists of a very long shot of…