Author: Kevin

Yellow-bellied and lily-livered. The last time I played organized basketball, I was a sophomore in high school. Our team sucked. We finished the season 1-11, mostly due to the fact that we were playing against teams featuring kids who could dunk (we could not), but also the fact that our coach was an idiot. He…

Are elves aliens? The thoughts of a seven-year old are amazing, especially that he is taking care not to spoil too much. Here are some of those thoughts about the latest Pixar movie, Onward. Alright, what’s the movie we’re talking about right now?Onward. What is Onward?It’s a movie. What is the movie Onward about?These kids,…

Fair enough. My son was looking forward to seeing Sonic for weeks. I was not as enthusiastic, but such are the sacrifices a parent makes for his kid. Unlike him, my memory of Sonic goes all the way back to the original Sega Genesis game, not to mention I also remember many crappy movies based…

Dear cruel world. The advantage in avoiding all trailers for a movie is that you do not know what is coming. Unfortunately, that is also the danger. What little I knew going into the screening of Downhill was that it starred Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus and was about a family on ski trip. IMDb…

Don’t oversell it. Watching a DC Extended Universe (DCEU) movie is a bit like Charlie Brown trying to kick Lucy’s football. Every time you line up the kick, she promises that, this time, she won’t pull it away. By now, you have slipped four discs in your spine, bruised your tailbone, dislocated a hip, and…

Travel well indeed. Guy Ritchie needed a win. After the success of his two Sherlock Holmes films in 2009 and 2011, people largely ignored the very good The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015), King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017) was an unmitigated disaster, and the Aladdin remake (2019) was a pile of shit that was…

A tale of two movies. Sitting next to each other, in the same theater on the same night, my wife and I saw two entirely different movies. I saw a heartwarming movie with adorable, courageous kids, a solid story, and a tight running time that kept the film from meandering. My wife saw a jumbled,…

So this is what death throes look like. When I was a sophomore in high school, I was a little too talkative one day during math class. My teacher told me stay after the bell rung, and, once everyone else had left the room, told me I could not leave until I acted like a…

Do you smell something? It seems almost unfair to write about Dolittle. Why on Earth would a movie with a $175 million budget and starring Robert Downey Jr. be opening in the armpit of the Hollywood calendar known as January? All the kids are back in school, almost everyone blew all of their spending money…