Author: Jonny
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McBain
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Read more: McBainMENDOZAAAAAA!!!!!!!!1
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Tango & Cash
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Read more: Tango & CashTango, Cash, and man-ass.
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Ghost World
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Read more: Ghost WorldSo funny yet so sad that you feel guilty about your laughter.
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Extreme Prejudice
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Read more: Extreme PrejudiceStubborn good beats Sexy bad.
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The Rundown
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Read more: The RundownAlso, many of the characters walk around carrying whips… like more than one.
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Rocky IV
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Read more: Rocky IVNo matter how short he is, Rocky can’t lose.
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Commando
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Read more: CommandoHomoeroticism? More than you could possibly imagine. I mean all the crap about Arnold being Der Gropin’fuhrer was just a rightwing-ruse to distract Californians from the fact that Schwarzenegger has starred in the single gayest movie ever made.
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Predator
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Read more: PredatorHomoeroticism? Unchartable. Unprecedented. Unfathomable. Undeniable. Off the frigging scale, man!
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Red Heat
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Read more: Red HeatTagline: “Moscow’s toughest detective. Chicago’s craziest cop. There’s only one thing worse than making them mad. Making them partners.” Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Russian Asshole and Polish Cop Kill Drug Dealers. Homoeroticism: ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! Gayest of all 80s Action films! ALERT! In Indian movies, sex is represented by…
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Emperor of The North Pole
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Read more: Emperor of The North PoleErnest Borgnine beats a hobo in the head with a hammer, causing said hobo to fall from the train and get cut into two pieces.