Still including all your favorite dwarves
If you saw a preview of Snow White, you were probably as nervous as I was about seeing it. I saw what the CGI dwarves looked like and my thought was if the filmmakers were willing to make a bizarre choice like using CGI dwarves instead of actual human beings to portray the dwarves, what other bizarre creative choices might they have made?
As it turns out, they made quite a few more creative choices, though they all seemed to work out pretty well. With the exception of purists, who complain when even the tiniest details of things are changed, and who still hate baseball’s designated hitter (DH) with the fire of a thousand suns, people should find the changes to Snow White quite agreeable.
The major storylines are all still the same. After the death of both of her parents, Snow White (Rachel Zegler) lives with her stepmother, the Evil Queen (Gal Gadot). Since one of the changes the writers didn’t make was to give the Evil Queen a proper name – and I don’t want to type Evil Queen a bunch more times – I’m going to call her Barb. Barb is a bitch.
Barb is still obsessed with being the fairest one of all and makes her magic mirror reassure her of this every single day. Barb is also obsessed with shiny things and has hoarded the kingdom’s wealth all for herself, impoverishing the rest of her subjects. Barb has even turned Snow White into a castle servant and hidden her from the kingdom for years. Still, the mirror proclaims Barb to be the fairest of them all because she looks like Gal freaking Gadot.
One day, Barb’s guards catch a man named Jonathan (Andrew Burnap) stealing potatoes from the castle kitchens. Initially, Barb orders Jonathan executed, but Snow White pleads for mercy and that the punishment fit the crime. So, Barb takes Jonathan’s coat and shoes and has him tied to the castle gate to freeze to death. Since this punishment definitely does not fit the crime, Snow White sneaks out and frees Jonathan. Barb witnesses this and immediately asks the mirror who is the fairest of them all. Having just finished its daily Duolingo lesson and learning that the word fair has multiple definitions, the mirror informs Barb that Snow White is now the fairest of them all.
If you are paying attention, you’ll notice the Prince from the original movie has been replaced by Jonathan. Jonathan is not a prince. This small change may anger the DH-haters, but it doesn’t matter to the plot at all if Jonathan is a prince. Aladdin wasn’t a prince and nobody hated him. Well, nobody in the theater audience, at least. Jonathan is just a hungry street rat leading a small group of bandits who occasionally steal food from Barb. The result of Snow White freeing Jonathan is Barb ordering the Huntsman (Ansu Kabia) to take Snow White to the forest, kill Snow White, and bring Snow White’s heart back in a box. See? Story back on track.
And I mean really back on track. The forest animals lead Snow White to the seven dwarves’ cottage, where she falls asleep. Cut to the dwarves singing “Heigh Ho” and working in their mines…yada, yada, yada…they find Snow White in their cottage…yada, yada, yada…”Whistle While you Work”…poison apple…you know how this whole thing goes. The only differences are true love’s kiss and the fight with Barb happen in reverse order and the fight with Barb is completely reimagined, including Barb’s demise. And, of course Barb’s demise still happens. Barb is a bitch.
As you can see, all of the familiar plot points are there and accounted for. The familiar songs, all seven dwarves, the not-prince awakening Snow White with a kiss, the diamond mines, and even the friendly forest animals. In addition, the parts that received updates were almost all updated for the better. Snow White gets a chance to participate in reclaiming her family’s kingdom. The photorealistic animation of the animals is astoundingly excellent. There are some new songs that are quite good, including a new villain song called “All is Fair,” and my personal favorite – “Princess Problems.” You read that right. While Snow White is complaining, Jonathan is mocking her as having Princess Problems. Admit it, purists – you chuckled at least once during that song.
If there is anything to complain about (and some definitely did), it’s the appearance of the dwarves. They definitely inspire an uncanny valley feeling (a nearly-identical resemblance to humans, but just off enough to cause a sense of unease), especially the close-ups of Dopey, Happy, and Grumpy. I’m with the little people actors on this one. Why not just cast little people in the roles? If nothing else, it would have saved a ton of money on the CGI. That’s not to say the dwarves weren’t good characters in general, but who doesn’t love Peter Dinklage and Martin Klebba (Klebba at least got to voice Grumpy)?
All in all, Snow White is arguably the best live-action remake to date of a Disney animated feature. It was much better than I was expecting it to be and I enjoyed myself far more than I thought I would. I know there is a lot of controversy around this movie, but ignore all of that noise. Whether you are a purist or progressive, you’ll come out of the film more happy than grumpy.
Rating: Worth your money, even if you still hate the DH.
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