Month: March 2023
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Starring Debuts #21: Jennifer Beals in Flashdance (1983)
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Read more: Starring Debuts #21: Jennifer Beals in Flashdance (1983)I’ve long acknowledged graduates from the Kelly McGillis Top Gun School of Absurd Roles and no one deserves a bigger pat on the back than Flashdance’s Alex Owens. I mean, name one other flick with a wannabe ballerina working as a welder in a Pennsylvanian steel mill. Not only that, but she appears to be…
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Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
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Read more: Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among ThievesThe last serious attempt at a Dungeons & Dragons movie was in 2000, resulting in a critical and commercial bomb (10% on Rotten Tomatoes, grossing just $33.8 million on a $45 million budget) and a legion of angry dungeon masters. Impossibly, two direct-to-DVD sequels were filmed and released in 2005 and 2012, presumably as a…
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Alien vs. Predator
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Read more: Alien vs. PredatorYou can read all about what’s wrong with the plot of the movie on countless other websites, and rest assured it is retarded.
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Looper (2012)
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Read more: Looper (2012)Time travel really messes with your mind, doesn’t it? I mean, The Grandfather-paradox, Back to the Future, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure: it just fucks with your idea of time. Like: what is it? Is it a steady stream, from the roiling past through this very present moment right here and now into the bright…
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5 Tips for Starting an Acting Career Later in Life
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Read more: 5 Tips for Starting an Acting Career Later in LifeIt’s always possible to follow your dreams and pursue a career in acting. Famous actors such as Samuel L. Jackson and Christoph Waltz, both started their successful careers after the age 40. Many successful actors started their careers later in life, proving that age is just a number when pursuing your passion. Whether you have…
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Spread Your Legs For Daddy: Part 4
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Read more: Spread Your Legs For Daddy: Part 4Eyes Wide Shut (1999) The story: Cruise and Kidman mope through Kubrick’s flaccid finale. Does it make me wanna incorporate anything into my sex life? I guess you’re asking if I fancy an orgy, right? Well, I wouldn’t mind dipping a toe (fnar! fnar!) There is something appealing about turning up at an isolated country…
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65 (2023)
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Read more: 65 (2023)It is a rare and special thing to have an entire movie theater to oneself. My most memorable one was actually with a friend, when we saw a restoration of 2001: A Space Odyssey in an otherwise empty auditorium. I still cannot fathom why only two tickets were sold to such an amazing movie at…
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Outcast (2014)
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Read more: Outcast (2014)Nicolas Cage.
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Spread Your Legs For Daddy: Part 3
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Read more: Spread Your Legs For Daddy: Part 3Secretary (2002) The story: A dominant, uptight lawyer (James Spader) employs a self-harming, subservient secretary (Maggie Gyllenhaal). Unconventional true love blooms. Does it make me wanna incorporate anything into my sex life? Lots of sexual relationships originate at work. It’s probably the number one place where people hook up. Most working days (those mundane, hateful…
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Memorable Movie Scenes: Part 43
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Read more: Memorable Movie Scenes: Part 43Oh My Goat! What is more memorable than Eraserhead? How about an outrageous parody of the movie? This “Half man, half biscuit is ever bit as off the chain as the movie itself. Just enjoy.