Month: April 2022
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The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
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Read more: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent“The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent” – Nic Cage is…inevitable. If ever there was a person who could be described as a movie, it’s Nicholas Cage. It’s right there in a title that is as pompous and full of itself as it is long. What really made me want to see the film was the…
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Crawlspace (1986)
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Read more: Crawlspace (1986)Sometimes you want a movie to educate, move or inspire you. And sometimes you just wanna watch that pint-sized Teutonic nutter Klaus Kinski collect eyeballs. Now I’m not one to condemn actors for their off-screen behavior or ill-judged Tweets. I don’t really care what they get up to or what their political affiliations are. I…
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The Bad Guys (2022)
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Read more: The Bad Guys (2022)The Bad Guys – Does farting really make someone bad? It took me a while to put my finger on it, but I finally realized why The Bad Guys failed to resonate with me. The opening of the film shows a wolf and a snake having breakfast at a diner. Everyone else in the diner…
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The Wizard Of Ahs -or- Please Stay On That Goldbrick Road, Dorothy
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Read more: The Wizard Of Ahs -or- Please Stay On That Goldbrick Road, DorothyFollow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City where the Wizard of Humongous Metaphors will grant the key to this classic. “Oh Toto, Why couldn’t we have been swept up in an allegory for the Spanish-American War or Swine Flu or something?” That’s right. Didn’t know you were watching a 19th century economic sermon…
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Early Days: Part Two
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Read more: Early Days: Part TwoBlaxploitation As you probably know, I likes me a bit of blaxploitation, even though much of it was an unashamed rip-off of whatever whitey was up to. Westerns, horror, crime, comedies… the blacks always had some sort of crappy facsimile to hand as typified by the likes of Blacula and Black Shampoo. Well, everyone’s gotta…
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Early Days: Part One
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Read more: Early Days: Part OneBy Dave Franklin I’ve met a handful of folk who insist old movies are boring. They don’t like stuff from cinema’s greatest decade, the 1970s, because it’s slow or the special effects aren’t as good or the hairdos are silly. Anyhow, after I’ve stabbed these ignoramuses and they’ve begun to recover from the shock, I…
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Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!
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Read more: Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!Reviewing any Sharknado movie is an exercise in utter chaos, so for this deep dive (I am truly sorry for the pun) into Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, I will basically just be transcribing my frenzied, disbelieving notes, but cleaned up and tweaked into coherent sentences and paragraphs. Or so I hope. I’ve seen three…
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The Northman
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Read more: The NorthmanThe Northman – Alexander Skarsgard is tight. My main goal in writing film reviews is to entertain you while I tell you about a movie. While I can’t even sniff the same comedic galaxy as Pitch Meeting or Honest Trailers, I do my best to come up with jokes to make your read slightly less…
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The Canyons
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Read more: The CanyonsEvery once in a while, a movie comes along that is so moving, so powerful, that it leaves you feeling inspired. This is not that movie. Directed by Paul Schrader (who wrote Raging Bull – seriously!), The Canyons is a movie that is so awful that I feel dumber for having watched it. Maybe you…
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Rollerball
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Read more: RollerballThe story, such as there is, sucks. There are smaller points of suckiness. Here’s a short list.