Fantastic. I really don't know how else to start off this review. The Ladykillers is fantastic. Every element is so well rendered, so meticulously worked over... such brilliance. Wow. OK, I have collected myself a bit. Above all, what struck me like a bolt during Ladykillers is what superb chroniclers of Americana the Coen Brothers are. Their larger vision became apparent, or I should say more apparent, to me. Like in their masterwork, The Big Lebowski, the story is altogether secondary to the moods, philosophies and mannerisms of the characters. After all, the story is a remake of a 1955 Alec Guinness film of the same title. Then the question becomes: Why bother with retelling the story, which, honestly, is not anywhere near to the greatest ever told? (The greatest story ever told being Dr. Strangelove, and not some antiquated fairy tale.)

The answer to the above question is unequivocally "America." Only a country as magnificent and completely absurd as ours could fill the screen with such a collection of maniacs, lunatics, and charlatans and have them all be instantly recognizable! This is the genius of the Coens. Only they can take a room full of people you wouldn't want to sit in the same restaurant with and not only make them seem like in-laws, but somehow appealing as well. Allow me to detail (yes, I like making lists);

Professor G.H. Dorr Ph.D (Hanks) -- A classic faux-aristocratic southern snake oil salesman whose gift of gab is outshined only by the stench of his B.S. You can almost taste the bourbon-soaked treacle hanging on his breath. The Coens seem to really enjoy characters like this and had not one (Clooney), but two (Goodman) of the same sort of gentlemen in O Brother, Where Art Thou? In Barton Fink, Goodman (again) portrayed a windbag who spat out an almost never ending stream of beautiful bullshit. Same with Goodman's awesome co-star, Michael Lerner ("General" Jack Lipnick). Other examples of these blowhards abound in their work, and Tom Hanks admirably takes over the reins. Why are the Coens so obsessed with this style of character? Who knows, but they are funny as hell. Interestingly, here, Hanks's "Professor" manages to rise above the din of his own voice and is quite moving at times. Like the little old church ladies he seduces with sonnets by Edgar Allen Poe, his continual pap-ridden ramblings quickly morphed into poetry for me and I sat, with a grin encrusted jaw, lapping up every word. There is a rhythm to his nonsense that soothes the ear so... Plus, his two mortal fears are the cops and church. As a wiser person than me once stuck on their back bumper, "Freedom is the distance between church and state."

• Marva Munson (Hall) -- You want to know who should win the Oscar next year for best supporting actress? Irma P. Hall. She is outstanding. Really, the highlight of the film. Hall seemed to be an actual "real" person surrounded by a group of character actors. It perplexes me that in real life Hall is not actually the widow Marva Munson, whose entire life is church, talking to a portrait of her dead husband and giving $5 a week to Bob Jones University. I mean, that was a character? Oh my... Fan-frigging-tastic my friends.
  
  
• Garth Pancake (Simmons) – A true dilettante in the most disturbing sense of the word; amateur at everything, expert at nothing. I have great fears that the preceding could be my tombstone... Simmons is the best of the supporting cast. In his opening scene he suffocates a bulldog and then attempts to give it mouth-to-mouth, all the while acting as he knows exactly what he is doing. Never, at any point does he have the slightest clue! Also, his moments with Wayans are the funniest parts of a very funny movie. And as he did in Spiderman (as Jonah Jameson), Simmons "supporting" character threatens to usurp the principals.

• Gawain MacSam (Wayans) – A bit of a stereotype, to be sure, but a very funny one. Gawain is the inside man for the heist, working as a janitor on the riverboat the "team" is going to burgle. He gets fired for asking a customer to show him, "just one butt cheek." As I mentioned above, he and Simmons are hilarious together. The two form sort of the ultimate odd couple. At one point Pancake is explaining to Waynes how he wound up in Mississippi; he was a freedom rider in the 60s, trying to make sure "you got the vote." Wayans retort, one of the more brilliant I have ever heard to such pandering and condescending liberal bullshit, is "I don't vote, motherfucker!" Bravo.
  
  
• The General (Ma) and Lump (Hurst) – Two ancillary characters who both have their moments. The General is some sort of runaway Diem-type who is as laconic as he is cold-blooded. He practically steals the movie with his longest line of dialogue, "Must float like leaf down river of life. And kill old lady." Lump is the weakest part of the whole affair. He is basically the dumbest jock in the world who at times says very brilliant things. A little too similar to the "Oxford" character in the "Flying Hellfish" Simpsons episode, but, a caricature is a caricature. He gave good face and looked especially funny holding his oversized French horn.

Faults with the film besides Lump? I'm starting to worry that Mr. T-Bone Burnett is becoming a little too involved the Coen's creative process. For those not in the know, T-Bone is the "executive music producer." While the music was definitely good—and obscure enough to sound fresh—it was a bit overpowering. Also, it seemed to me that a chunk of the story got left on the cutting room floor. Especially the tunnel building sequence. But I'm just being picky, for, like I said, The Ladykillers is about character and tension much more so than story. OK, I didn't mention tension before, but there are some wonderuflly unexpected moments of suspense casually scattered throughout the film. Gives it a nice roller coaster effect, ala Altman.

So I urge you to go and see this fantastic movie. Laugh at yourself America, for we truly are the most entertaining and full-of-shit country the world has ever known. The Coens are acutely aware of this fact and spare no expense pointing it out to us. Lazy Sheriffs, mindless church folk, hopelessly out of touch academics, broke-ass gangstas, and complete incompetents who will blow their own fingers off before letting down their phony airs for one second. We're all lampooned to the nines here in The Ladykillers. Laughing at one's own self, to me at least, is the jumping off point for the majority of worthwhile endeavors. One of which is of course getting off your fat American-ass and watching this gem of a film.

Special Ruthless Ratings:

• What about the 26% of your readership who isn't American: They should just pick a favorite American and emphasize through them.
• Number of people who clapped at the conclusion of The Ladykillers: 0
• Number of people in the same theater who clapped the week before for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a very good but inferior by comparison movie: 2 or so dozen.
• Number of people in the same theater a month before who clapped for The Passion of the Christ: Most of the people in the theater.
• What does this tell you: America needs more movies like The Ladykillers that examine what pompous, irascible, yet loveable oafs us Americans are. We're pretty dumb, too. As well as ascetically challeneged. Boors all around, etc.
• How'd you get so perfect: Shut up.