Yes, I’m doing it. At the insistence of my good ex-friend (A Trumper, so fuck him) Ted Barrus, I am reviewing an Uwe Boll movie. Uwe Boll is a legend for making tasteless movies that are virtually unwatchable. The movie Postal is his finest achievement. The only other movie that I’ve watched that comes close to Postal for sheer vulgarity, is Cooper’s Christmas, which I loved.
With what is going on in this country and the world, I cannot think of a more appropriate movie to take your mind off of the chaos around us. Just about every politically incorrect and vilely tasteless box in the book is checked in this film. We have, and in no particular order:
- Islamic terrorists
- American cult religious zealots
- Midgets and midget abuse
- Cat abuse
- Mass murder of Children
- Fatties and fat shaming
- Degradation of women
- A George Bush even stupider than the original
- A cuckold husband
- Vehicular homicide of babies
- Police brutality and murder
- Ethnic stereotypes
- Frontal nudity, explicit sex and shit and fart scenes
- Abuse, exploitation and murder of disabled vets
- Rednecks with guns in a trailer park
- Penis shaped children’s toys
- Germ warfare
- Nazis
In other words, the movie Postal is a perfect representation of The United States in 2020.
I won’t even attempt to explain or justify the plot in this movie. It is almost as ludicrous and horrifying as what we are witnessing in the cities and towns of our country today. Just take all of the bulleted points I listed above, add in a lot of profanity and inanity, and you have this Uwe Boll classic.
The acting in this movie was pretty damn good. Everyone played it straight and I particularly like the performance of the down and out cuckold Dude played by Zack Ward. He had finally had enough and turned into a red-headed maniac kinda like Mike Douglass in the great movie Falling Down. There were even cameos from stars like David Huddleston and the great J.K. Simmons.
What I enjoyed most was the slapstick bungling of the Arab terrorists and the hapless Osama Bin Laden, played by Larry Thomas. His interaction with the stunningly realistic George W. Bush (Brent Mendenhall) was the highlight of the movie. Not to spoil anything, but Osama and George were secret gay lovers, Brokeback Mountain style. Their phone conversations and dance into the sunset were genuinely inspired.
This is the first Uwe Boll movie that I have ever watched, and it was flat-out hilarious. Definitely NSFW, children, babies, pets, Karens or the even remotely politically correct. However, if you want a break from the IRL chaos around us, and can deal with something like a cat’s butt being used as a gun silencer, this movie is for you.
8.0/10.0 With the Goatesian rating of Bring Plenty of Popcorn and Enjoy.