I am hard-pressed to think of a movie that has received so much hype, so much critical acclaim, and so many awards before the Oscars. Roma is not your typical highly anticipated movie at all. Alfonso Cuaron’s latest work is completely unique, and there is no existing template with which to judge or compare this movie. Roma is the only Netflix movie to ever be nominated for Best Picture. It is also a foreign film, and in Black & White, and with English sub-titles. This film featured one of the most annoying and depressing characters ever, and this character was not even human.
Roma has been praised as the best movie of 2019, no make that the Best Movie of the decade. Here is a short synopsis of the movie. It sucked to live in Mexico in the early 1970’s. It sucked even more if you were a woman and Mexican. If you were a dog in Mexico your day consisted of trying to improve your vertical leap and shitting on the driveway as much as possible. The main takeaway from the movie was that all men were irresponsible assholes and that dogs are capable of shitting A LOT.
Things I Learned From Roma:
- If you have unprotected sex with a creep who thinks he is a shower-rod Ninja, you probably will get pregnant.
- If you have a Ford Galaxie 500 that is 96 inches wide, and your narrow, enclosed carport is just 98 inches wide, you will scrape the sides often, especially if you are drunk and a woman.
- If your water breaks in the middle of a violent rebellion and you are in a furniture store with Granny, buying a crib, your baby will most likely be born dead.
- If Daddy leaves for what is supposedly research work in Canada, and is gone for 4 months without contacting you or sending money, he’s not coming back
- If you are a little kid, who can’t swim, and you run out into a raging ocean with a rip current, you most likely should die.
- If you just pan the camera, excruciatingly slow, for 2 hours and 15 minutes and create a movie with a ponderous and meaningless plot, you have made a masterpiece. You will be assured to win an Oscar for Best Picture.
- If you are pregnant and 4 ft. tall, you can easily execute a maneuver that 100 Mexican wannabee Ninjas fail to master.
- Roma could put 10,000 Vietnamese peasants to sleep, even if they were running away from a napalm attack.
- Trump might be right after all about building the Wall.
That’s about it. Available on Netflix for the taking.
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